April 28, 2020

Loving Thoughts on Addiction

Addiction is a topic that has always been near and dear to my heart. I’ve learned a lot about the biology of addiction lately. This information has encouraged me to see the benevolence behind addiction. Learning to make friends with the phenomenon of addiction is something I have needed to do over the years to aid in my own outgrowing and recovery from certain habits. All that being said, these thoughts sprouted on a walk this morning:

Addiction is not the enemy. Pushing down and ignoring the original pain is the enemy. And I wouldn’t even call those efforts an enemy. Nobody taught us how to deal with pain. They couldn’t teach us because no one taught them. So way less of an enemy, much more of a deficit. I’ve needed to see it this way because it takes the fault and morality out of everything. I can breath for a second and lean into the idea that nothing is out to get me or that I am not broken.

We know that we are worthy of love and belonging in our very bones. And when we don’t get that kind of acceptance from others, whether they meant to disregard us or not, it leads to pain. That pain leads to wanting relief, which leads to addiction, and that addiction gives us the relief from the disconnection and the unwelcomeness that we have felt for such a long time. These substances and behaviors provide a respite; they provide relief without judging us and without fail. For a while.

We know deep down and always that we are worthy of that relief. That relief is love. But the addiction is a friend, and any good friend is only going to enable our hiding for so long. Eventually it starts to really hold up the mirror and say “You can’t ignore this pain very much longer, the pain that made you turn to me in the first place.” So it starts to magnify the pain. We can live there for a long, long time. Many do. But for others, it continues to magnify the pain until the relief is no longer worth the pain. So we miraculously are either able to seek help in that moment, or the addiction provides the ultimate relief from our suffering, which is death.

If we were taught to look at our pain, to hold and support each other through our wounding in the first place, we wouldn’t have to turn to addictive behavior. if we were taught that addiction is a warning that we are not addressing something (I am seeking relief in a big way—there must be pain underneath), instead of an evil agent that is attempting to take over our minds and bodies, we’d deal with it differently.

And we can. I believe none of us is so far gone that we cannot find true relief. Happy to walk this path with you <3